dearZette

Deciding to have gastric bypass surgery was probably one of the hardest decisions I’ve made in my entire life.  Let me take that back. Choosing to live a healthy life was an easy decision to make, how I got to a healthier place was not an easy decision to make.

Obesity is an illness. It took me 28 years to admit that my unhealthy relationship with food was in fact a toxic one.  Don’t get it twisted, I love who I am.  I have been a 6’1.5” plus size woman for the majority of my life and I have never doubted who I am…I have never lacked confidence.  What I haven’t been is 100% healthy.  With a family history of diabetes, congestive heart failure, kidney disease, and high blood pressure I already had strikes against me. In March of last year, I sat in ICU with my father as his organs all slowly started to turn against him (he also had heart surgery on my birthday in November).   Add on the fact that I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome in 2003, had been told I was pre-diabetic, and had high cholesterol and you have what my doctor called, a walking time bomb.  The thing that scared me the most about all of this was the fact that I may never be able to have children.  The only thing I have ever wanted to be in my entire life was a mother, to know that I was not in the shape to even consider motherhood rattled my soul.

I’ve dieted. As a matter of fact, I have done every possible diet, diet plan, diet pill, whatever you can think of related to a diet I have tried.  Along with diets came excuses…I work too many hours…I don’t have time to do this. I don’t like the food. This is too expensive.  If you can find an excuse, I’ve given it.  Though I’d gotten on board with personal training (my personal trainer is le bomb by the way) I could not quite master the food portion of getting my health together.

During my annual physical at the end of June 2010, my primary care physician…a woman that speaks her mind even if you don’t want to hear it was blunt with me, “…you’re not going to lose the weight you need to on your own.  I think that you should have gastric bypass surgery.” I sat there in shock, frustrated, probably even angry…mostly in denial. Along with a prescription for cholesterol medication, she handed me information on a center that specialized in bariatric surgery.

As she droned on about my options, I tuned her out flipping through the pamphlet…toying around with the word obese in my head.  In my mind morbidly obese people were those folks that you saw on television that couldn’t move around on their own…I was simply a big girl. However, according to the BMI, I was in fact morbidly obese WITH co-morbidities that qualified me for surgery.  I finally tuned back in to hear my doctor saying, “…your question is not if you will develop more health issues…it’s when.” I left her office agreeing to go to the next seminar that the center had.

I spent hours on the center’s website reading about options, testimonials from clients, possible complications…I mean every word on the site. I also found out that because of the type of insurance that I have (Praise God for excellent benefits) that I could expedite the process and wouldn’t have to jump through the hoops that other folks had to in order to be approved to have the procedure done. After a lot of discussion with my mother and a woman that has become a dear friend that also had the surgery, the decision was made and I began my approval process, and by the end of July my surgery had been scheduled for September 14, 2010.

Honestly, I felt completely comfortable with my center, the staff, and most importantly my surgeon.  When we met during my first consultation, he looked at my weight and then looked up at me and said, “… you definitely don’t look like you weigh this much.”  I laughed and replied that I wear my fat well.  What a way to start our relationship right.  He walked me through what my surgery would be like, what my potential complications were, what my nutritional goals would be, and what my aftercare would be like. I think the thing I liked the most about my center is the post-surgery support that you are given.  They have dietians, exercise physiologists, and psychologist lead support groups to support the psychological and physical changes that their patients are going to go through.

There is this incorrect stigma about gastric bypass being the “easy way out.”  Let me tell you all something…eight months post –surgery there is nothing easy about this. Nothing easy at all.  This was the first time I’ve EVER had surgery.  I am thankful for the support of my family and friends because honestly I couldn’t have done it without them.  This surgery means that I’ve had to readjust my entire mind frame about food.  There was essentially a three week period that I couldn’t even eat solid food because you have to train your new stomach pouch how to digest food. Can you imagine going from eating what the hell you want to a clear fluid diet. Can you imagine going from being able to stop wherever you want to, to pick up a bite to eat to now having to be deliberate about every single meal, including making sure that you don’t drink anything 30 minutes before or after you eat.  What about never being able to take an entire pill or capsule again your life…meaning you have to crush medication in order to take them? What about having to make sure that you get in enough protein so your hair doesn’t fall out? (My hair def…fell out)   When I say this surgery has changed my life in more ways than one…it has, but for what I know is the better.  I also enjoy the support groups, because I’ve gotten great tips from other folks that have endured similar challenges that I’m facing going through this process.

I want to be clear, gastric bypass surgery was about me being HEALTHY not SKINNY. I was already aesthetically pleasing to myself *smile*.  I had surgery so that I can be around for my babies’ babies.  I’m not selling out on the wonderfulness that is the plus size community…let’s be real I’m 6’1.5” and my doctor and I BOTH agreed that the BMI wasn’t my weight loss goal…I just need to get my body to a healthy state and with that in mind we set my target weight together.. My confirmation that I’d made the right decision came when I found out while I was in recovery that my father had been released from the hospital the day before because of kidney failure and a high blood pressure flare up.  My family didn’t tell me because they didn’t want me to worry and not go through with my surgery.  If nothing else that confirmed for me that I’d made a decision to save my life. I’m currently at 134.9 lbs gone and losing…while gaining my health!

I think that the decision to have gastric bypass surgery or any other kind of weight loss surgery is a personal one that you have to be prepared for.  I won’t say that I’m the poster child for the surgery. I get my drink on (in moderation…cuz I’m officially a cheap drunk), during stressful times, a sista hits up the occasional fun size candy, but yall…when I say I feel…completely different…I can’t even explain it.  The energy level, the ability to walk up steps without weezing, no more back pain…I feel renewed.   I made the decision that was right for me and I don’t regret it…not one little bit.

My Journey In Photo

April 2010

October 2010

December 31, 2010

February 2011

March 2011

April 2011

May 2011 (134.9 lbs and losing)